James was 34, British, but had been living in Sydney, Australia, working as a PT for the last 14 years. He was back in Devon for three months to catch up with his family, staying with his parents.
He was straight up about his situation including how he was only looking for something casual, but preferably with one woman, during his stay. But, he said, am I free in the day time because he has dinner with his family in the evenings.
I explained I worked, albeit freelance and from home, and had a child pf primary school age, who went to his dad’s Friday evening until Saturday evening.
Despite his lack of commitments and wide open schedule, I said I’d meet up with him on my local beach, a five minute walk from my flat, on my lunchbreak one September Wednesday. We’d facetimed first and he was as strikingly as good looking in person as he was virtually.
But man was he dull. The conversation flowed, that wasn’t an issue, but it was, just dull. No humour, no funny moments, no quirkiness. But he did laugh a couple of times and I got a whiff of unflossed teeth breath.
Nevertheless, he was perfectly nice and when he messaged me afterwards to say how he thought I was ‘lovely’ and would like to meet up again ‘in private’ next time, I agreed.
He sent me another couple of messages in the week and then went quiet. I never ever follow up if a guy goes quiet. I just figure they’re probably chatting to someone else now and simply aren’t that bothered anymore.
He told me he’d come off Tinder because he liked me and didn’t want to be endlessly chatting to different women. Yet, he popped up on Tinder twice in the ensuing weeks.
Then he messaged me again.
I mentioned I’d seen him on Tinder again and now were things going, adding that I knew it was inconvenient I couldn’t meet during the day, but I was sure they’d be plenty of women who would be willing to take a break to have sex with him.
‘Sadly, most people I spoke to were simply boring!’ he replied. ‘I like a connection with someone if I’m going to have sex with them.’
‘So you got back in touch with me because you thought you could do better than me, had a look around, found out you couldn’t, so I’m your fall back plan?!’
He replied, ‘I’m sorry it came across that way’.